No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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