WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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