I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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