This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize