Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
