Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
