I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
