my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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