so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can you bring me the toilet please
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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