wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
