My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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