I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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