I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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