That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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