It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
