You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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