Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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