I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
