i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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