her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
