i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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