bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
