worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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