oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
