I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
