I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
