Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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