I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
