yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
