I wish I only lived at night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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