Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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