getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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