at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You don't make any sense
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