you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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