i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
