so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize