we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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