Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
soo... how was my night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize