I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
