you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
