i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
