I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
