Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I forget how to act sober
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
