Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You ruined the universe
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize