Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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