i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then he tried to convert me to islam
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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