So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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