Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
