Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
