so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize