remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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