Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
