the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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