I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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