i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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