My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
