nutella sex= disaster
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
