After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize