you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
