i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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