yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize