Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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