Nicole vs. Life
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize