every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dignity is for republicans.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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