but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
