one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
