One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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