I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
