So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
