oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
