A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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