My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
