Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize