My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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